excuse note: Due to this bullshit closing out last October, the final two RETURN OF HHMCs didn’t make it up. Rather than post them last November, I decided to hold them off until this year, so they’ll make a nice appetizer for my third annual Halloween Horror Movie Challenge. October is upon us, so get psyched assholes!!]
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Not completely unlike Dark Castle Entertainment, Platinum Dunes started up with the (initial) intention of resurrecting dormant ’70s and ’80s horror franchises. Chainsaw was their first offering, and to this day it remains their best. The dirty guerilla-esque look of Tobe Hooper’s original is predictably replaced by much slicker camerawork, but director Marcus Nispel compensates by desaturating the colors and keeping things as bleak-looking as possible. It’s a remake in the loosest way, as very little seems lifted from the original. One glaring omission is the infamous dinner scene; in fact, the whole cannibal family aspect is largely downplayed here. Leatherface is the main attraction, and rightfully so. But something must be said of R. Lee Ermey as the sadistic sheriff (a character not in the original) – he basically steals the whole fucking movie, as half the stuff that flies out of his mouth is golden. [Nitpicky side note: Whoever decided to open this movie with “Sweet Home Alabama” certainly gets an F, not just because it’s a totally cliched song choice, but because the movie takes place in 1973 and the song wasn’t released until 1974.] Box office success it was, you can pretty much blame Chainsaw for opening the floodgates for the many other horror remakes, but judged on its own it’s a decent one. And if you don’t believe that, try watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. 3/5
- Take a drink whenever you see shots of stuff in Leatherface’s man cave with water inexplicably dripping over it.