Archive for October, 2012


Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , on 10/28/2012 by Chris

Paranormal Activity 4

Any lingering doubts that the Paranormal Activity series is following the same trajectory as the Saw series should finally be laid to rest with Paranormal Activity 4, the first of the series to officially shit the bed. I applauded parts 2 and 3 for finding creative ways of continuing the series without actually moving anything forward; as they were mostly prequels (except for the final few minutes of part 2), they still managed to build upon the mythology and occasionally offer up something new to chew on. But much like Saw IV did, PA 4 is the first entry to blatantly spin its wheels, squeezing out a placeholder of mostly cheap scares while refusing to carry the ongoing story any further. Returning from PA3, directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman retain none of the inventiveness they brought to the previous one; replacing that one’s highly effective gimmick that was the oscillating fan camera, for instance, is a lame one involving an X-box Kinect sensor and a night vision camera, which allows our protagonists to spot obvious CGI-rendered movement in the room. Yawn. To its credit, the movie is actually pretty comedic on occasion, as if the filmmakers realized they needed something to make up for the lack of real scares. As it stands, the cracks are really starting to show, and if a fifth one is to be expected this time next year (it is), then some serious reassessment should be in order.  2/5

  • Drink every time someone either screams or says “Robbie.”

Continue reading



Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , on 10/18/2012 by Chris

Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride

Since his previous stop-motion adventure The Nightmare Before Christmas left female Hot Topic shoppers perpetually wet for the better part of a decade, it made sense that Tim Burton would eventually return to that well someday. Corpse Bride is assembled with similar care, with the added benefit of advances in technology lending it a more fluid look. The songs by frequent Burton collaborator Danny Elfman are largely forgettable this time, but then again Corpse Bride is less of an overt musical than Nightmare, with the small handful of tunes used primarily as vessels for delivering exposition. The story is packed with little horror references, and the colorful characters that populate the land of the dead are funny and creative. It’s an entertaining and clever little flick, and while it will never get out from under Nightmare‘s shadow, it’s probably my favorite of the two.  4/5

  • Have a drink (21 & over please!) every time a character loses a body part. Finish your drink when the prick unwittingly chugs the poison.

Continue reading


Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , on 10/13/2012 by Chris

Piranha 3DD

I was a fan of Alexandre Aja’s Piranha 3D, which I thought had just the right sense of humor about it, while also featuring a generous helping of the grotesque gore that Aja practically specializes in. Though it technically had a very limited theatrical run, Piranha 3DD is still the cheap DTV sequel we all probably should have expected. Handed over to the guys responsible for the horror-comedy Feast, Piranha 3DD (shortened on DVD to Piranha DD, thus losing part of the joke) tries to be more outrageous than the first, but oddly ends up being less so. The premise (piranha make their way into an adult-themed water park) promises more than it can deliver. That’s chiefly due to a much smaller budget, which reduces the scope as well as the amount of onscreen carnage, and a script that conveniently delays the full piranha outbreak until the final 15 minutes. At least it has the good sense to briefly bring back Ving Rhames and Christopher Lloyd, preserving some continuity, and extended cameos by Gary Busey and David Hasselhoff help sweeten the deal. But otherwise there’s no denying the Sy-Fy movie vibe of it all – even if that was the intention here, the first one had some more bite to it.  2/5

  • Drink for every (onscreen) death, and whenever you see nudity. Finish your drink when you hear the Baywatch theme.

Continue reading


Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , , on 10/05/2012 by Chris

It’s Year 3 of the HHMC and if previous years are any indication, I’ll have 31 movies ranging from classics to absolute turds, with a simple drinking game to go along with each one (for some of these, you’re gonna need some booze). So let’s get crackin!

Continue reading