“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my beloved movie’s Tomatometer score. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my internet vitirol upon thee!”
For an event movie such as The Dark Knight Rises, nothing will cause more nerd blood pressure spikes than the early negative reviews it gets, collected on review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes (which then assigns each movie an ever-fluctuating “Tomatometer” score, based on the current average of “fresh” (positive) and “rotten” (negative) reviews). I still vividly remember the shit storm that went down two summers ago, when Toy Story 3 was rocking a near-mythical 100% score, only to be blindsided by two late-entry negative reviews (more negative reviews have appeared since then, however). In all fairness, one of the “reviews” was from perpetual troll Armond White, a man with a lengthy track record of praising universally panned movies while criticizing good ones, presumably to draw attention to himself. [Side note: some have played devil’s advocate, claiming that Mr. White is, in his own weird way, satirizing modern film criticism with his “contrarian” reviews; even if that’s the case, he should not be factored with the rest.] Yet instead of offering up mature and intelligent remarks, many flooded the comments section with racial slurs, and other nonsensical shit that had nothing to do with the review or movie at hand. And let’s not forget the avalanche of misspelled words (typos and otherwise), and just plain horrible grammar, which obviously takes the wind out of the scathing remark you’re trying to make by outing you as an idiot.
With the embargo for The Dark Knight Rises lifted this morning, the first handful of reviews have trickled in. As of this writing (6:30 p.m.), 31 reviews have been posted, only 2 of which have been deemed “rotten.” And while each of the positive reviews have under 50 comments (most under 10, and many none at all), the two negative reviews are approaching 400 and 900 comments, respectively. Let’s take a look at some of them (with the exception of quotation marks added, everything is posted as is):