Disclaimer: I like me some Nightwish, at least when they’re assisted by a full orchestra, as they’ve been on their past few albums. But let’s be real for a moment: they’re also cheesy as fuck. Main songwriter Tuomas Holopainen is very much of the Wagner/Andrew Lloyd Webber/Jim Steinman mold, which means if you were to cut him open, he’d likely bleed Cheez Whiz. And so while I wasn’t necessarily paying much attention to the lyrical content while listening to their newest album Imaginaerum, occasionally a particular line would jump out in such fashion as to make me nearly chuckle out loud. After consulting my trusty liner notes (a benefit of still buying physical copies, people!) here are the album’s top 10 cheesiest lines:

  1. “I want my tears back, I want my tears back now!” (from “I Want My Tears Back”)
  2. “Restless souls will put on their dancing shoes; mindless ghouls with lots of limbs to lose.” (from “Scaretale”)
  3. “A catnap in the ghost town of my heart.” (from “Song Of Myself”)
  4. “Once upon a night we’ll wake to the carnival of life.” (from “Last Ride Of The Day”)
  5. “A midnight flight into Covington Woods; a princess and a panther by my side.” (from “Song Of Myself”)
  6. “I see a beaten dog in a pungent alley. He tries to bite me. All pride has left his wild drooling eyes. I wish I had my leg to spare.” (from “Song Of Myself”)
  7. “Once upon a time in a daymare…” (from “Scaretale”)
  8. “This deep sigh coiled around my chest; Intoxicated by a major chord.” (from “Slow, Love, Slow”)
  9. “Burning farms and squealing pigs, a pool of snakes to swim with; Oh sweet poison – bite me! bite me!” (from “Scaretale”)
  10. “The mermaids you turned loose brought back your tears.” (from “Turn Loose The Mermaids”)

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