I know I’m late to the party with this one, but how can a movie with such a fucked-up premise be so goddamn boring?
Here’s all 90 minutes of The Human Centipede broken down for you:
– American bimbos get lost in a storm in Germany
– Crazy-ass doctor lets them in; roofies ensue
– Drugged bimbos wake up in makeshift hospital in Doctor Whackjob’s basement, one tries to escape [insert 10-minute “tries to escape” scene] but no dice
– Bimbos surgically combined with a Japanese dude to form a human chain er, centipede.
– Cops show up looking for missing bimbos; centipede plan their escape
– Japanese dude takes Doc down, (slowly) leads bimbos out of basement
– Doc catches up with them, Japanese dude makes a long speech and kills himself instead of fighting back (wtf?)
– Cops return, lame shootout ensues, Doc and cops kill each other
– One bimbo dies from blood poisoning, while the other laments the fact that she’s now connected to two dead people
Jesus Fucking Christ; I couldn’t have been more bored if I listened to a book on tape version of The Twilight Saga narrated by Stephen Hawking.