BANDS THAT SHOULD REALLY CALL IT QUITS AT THIS POINT

Def Leppard – I dig me some Def Lep, but Rick Allen’s right arm should be awfully tired by now. Their last listenable album was 11 years ago, and since then they’ve all but given up on trying to stay relevant. I think deep down the guys in Def Leppard were hoping to transcend their ’80s hair-band reputation like Bon Jovi managed to do, but now they just embrace it. Perhaps a little too much; judging by his look, bassist Rick Savage seems to legitimately think it’s still 1987. Someone should speak with him before he goes and catches AIDS or something.

Aerosmith continues to take money from people tour every couple of years, despite the fact that their last album of original material was a decade ago (that album was Just Push Play, though I believe the industry term for it was Piece of Shit). For a band that successfully reinvented themselves more than once in their 30-odd year career, it’s sad to see them embrace being a legacy act, and choosing to coast on old material instead of trying to make new contributions to music.

Journey – Let’s face it – nobody needs to hear “Don’t Stop Believin'” ever again – even from Journey themselves. The band ably soldiered on without estranged singer Steve Perry for several years, but when Perry clone Steve Augeri walked away too, the rest of the guys should have just called it a day. Now they’re on singer #3 or #4, and their newest album came packaged with a second disc of re-recorded hits, presumably to entice people to actually pick it up.

Radiohead need to break up, if only to give their furiously masturbating fanboys a break for a while. Seriously, it’s probably starting to chafe by now.

Smashing Pumpkins – It seems, at least, that Billy Corgan made a legitimate effort to bury the hatchet and reunite the band in 2005, but only drummer Jimmy Chamberlin answered the call. The resulting “reunion” album (2006’s Zeitgeist) didn’t completely suck, but now that even Chamberlin is out again, who the fuck cares anymore? Apparently not even Corgan, who refuses to play the band’s best-known songs in concert, opting instead for long, boring psychedelic jams. After his lone solo album tanked, I guess I can’t blame him for putting all of his future projects under the Smashing Pumpkins banner, but enough is enough. Stop trying to fool us with the name, dude – the real Pumpkins no longer exist.

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