Archive for April, 2011

SCREAM 4: THE RESULTS

Posted in Movies with tags on 04/16/2011 by Chris

[In the interest of not being a total dick for once, I won’t reveal any major spoilers here (the biggest two below will be blacked out – highlight them to read ’em). Still, it’s impossible to discuss this movie without giving large chunks of it away, so just see the damn thing first if you care that much.]

Let’s face it – all we Scream fans really asked of this fourth installment was that it was at least better than Scream 3. Call it a Rocky Balboa scenario; we’ll overlook the fact that so many years have passed, if you just give us a movie that makes up for the abysmal previous one, and lets the series go out on a respectable note. Now, there’s long been talk of a Scream 5 and 6 (and if the crowds at the theater last night were any indication, this movie will make more than enough to warrant more), but if we were never to see these characters again, it’s certainly not a bad way to go out. What I wasn’t fully prepared for, however, was just how carefully crafted this fourth movie would be. I sort of suspected as much given series creator Kevin Williamson’s sudden reappearance in the public eye waving a new script around, so it seemed that, Weinsteins aside, this was a movie naturally born from a good idea rather than another money-making scheme.

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20 OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTING SEQUELS OF ALL TIME: 16-20

Posted in Movies with tags , , , , on 04/15/2011 by Chris

Scream 3

Many of you already know my thoughts on this piece of dogshit, so there’s not a whole lot more to say. I found it odd at the time that Scream 2 turned out so good despite being rushed out less than a year after the original, yet this one actually took its time and still failed miserably. I figured it would all be downhill once Liev Schreiber got wasted in the opening scene, and I was right. And what’s with that security system on Neve Campbell’s dinky little wooden gate? Like that’s gonna keep a masked lunatic from simply hopping over? The only surprise this time (if you can call it that) is that there’s only one killer for a change, but the second killer is really the Creed song during the end credits.

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20 OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTING SEQUELS OF ALL TIME: 11-15

Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , on 04/14/2011 by Chris

Whos gonna suffer?

Rush Hour 3 is the type of sequel best left forgotten, or if you can help it, unseen. I liked the first two, which had a nice blend of zany Jackie Chan stunts and motor-mouthed Chris Tucker (the fact that he hasn’t made anything outside of the Rush Hour flicks since they began has helped keep him tolerable, I guess). This third one simply came along too late (six years after Rush Hour 2), and time hasn’t been good to Chan (who just looks tired throughout) or Tucker (who just looks…bloated). The action seems toned down and incredibly routine, and despite the several years off, nobody seems particularly enthused to be back – from Chan and Tucker’s performances to Brett Ratner’s lifeless direction. It all feels made out of obligation, as if somebody dusted off a contract from years before and suddenly realized a third movie had to be made.

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20 OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTING SEQUELS OF ALL TIME: 6-10

Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , on 04/13/2011 by Chris

Superman III

This guy's got the right idea.

You can’t really blame Richard Pryor – if I had been in Superman III, I would have done whatever drugs I could get my hands on too. And as for Christopher Reeve? Well, that horse narrowly beat out this movie as the worst thing to happen to his career. I don’t remember much about it, aside from watching it as a kid and thinking I would rather be watching one of my mom’s soap operas. I remember there being some sort of supercomputer, and Superman loses his powers and has to fight an evil version of himself. What a crock of shit. This movie did so bad, Christopher Reeve only agreed to do a fourth one if the producers agreed to fund Street Smart, a project he actually cared about.

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20 OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTING SEQUELS OF ALL TIME: 1-5

Posted in Movies with tags , , , , , , on 04/12/2011 by Chris

With the release of Scream 4 this Friday (or SCRE4M if you need to be a jackass about it), I figured I’d lead up to it with my list of the 20 most disappointing sequels that I’ve seen.

Random Blog Reader: Another list? Gee, there’s a fuckin surprise.
Me: Kiss my dick.

These aren’t necessarily the worst overall sequels of all time, but rather ones that should have been good, but by most accounts sucked. I find it interesting that roughly half of the sequels on this list are a Part 3, which seems to suggest that an awful lot of franchises ran out of gas after one sequel. It must also be said that this is in no way a reflection of the quality of Scream 4, which I haven’t seen yet. That review will come sometime this weekend.

Now, in no particular order, on to the Shit Show: Continue reading

FIVE THINGS MORE EXCITING THAN THE NEW INCUBUS SONG:

Posted in Music with tags on 04/05/2011 by Chris
  1. Taking a piss.
  2. Taking a shit.
  3. Watching my dogs take a piss.
  4. Watching my dogs take a shit.
  5. Dr. Phil

 

(Brought to you by SoundCloud – the Special Ed version of Pop-Up Video)

Let’s face it – at this point, getting excited over a new Incubus single is like getting excited over a new Eddie Murphy movie. And even though it’s been over four years since their last mediocre album (and even though they announced a hiatus back in ’08), a “best-of” compilation in 2009 with several new songs kept up their profile, which makes this sudden return all the less spectacular.

It must be said, however, that while I consider S.C.I.E.N.C.E. my favorite album (like many do), I’ve never blamed Incubus for abandoning that funk/metal sound. I love that album dearly, but it’s about the second-most dated thing from the ’90s besides maybe The Net with Sandra Bullock. Still, there’s no excuse for the fact that they’ve largely repeated themselves anyway, ever since Make Yourself became the second coming of Christ among high school kids who took sharpies to their backpacks.

So what’s there to say about this new song? Well, don’t listen while operating heavy machinery. It’s actually not bad to begin with, as the verses work surprisingly well. Then came Boring Incubus Stock Chorus #3, and suddenly all was right with the world again. Would it kill Mike Eizenger to crank up his fucking guitar once in a while? I’m not an advocate of being heavy for heavy’s sake, but wouldn’t a more hard-hitting chorus been a nice counterpart for the laid-back verses?

Anyway, their new album comes out/”drops” July 12, depending on how douchey you wanna sound.