Archive for May, 2010

SMASHING PUMPKINS HIRE YET ANOTHER FEMALE BASS PLAYER aka GEE, THERE’S A FUCKIN SURPRISE!

Posted in Music with tags , on 05/11/2010 by Chris

Well let’s face it – Billy Corgan hired her, because he pretty much is Smashing Pumpkins at this point (then again this was pretty much always the case anyway). In actuality the ‘Pumpkins no longer exist, but because Corgan’s lone solo album pretty much tanked back in 2005, putting all future projects under the Smashing Pumpkins umbrella made much more sense.

So anyway, a couple of months ago, Corgan announced plans to hold open auditions for a new bassist, because the current one got pregnant (as female bassists can be prone to do). In an announcement Corgan stated,

“As you can see from our past and present, age, race, or a person’s background is not an issue. Everyone is truly welcome to audition.”

He really should have said anyone with a vagina is welcome to audition, because the chances of a dude scoring the gig is about the same as one of the Jonas Brothers joining Cannibal Corpse. Of course that didn’t keep me from applying anyway (which amounted to simply sending an email with a few youtube links), even though I somehow knew the ol’ dick ‘n balls would hinder my chances.

So lo and behold, the Corgan has spoken, and he has chosen yet another…female bassist. And now Nicole Fiorentino joins the ranks of Corgan’s previous female bassists D’arcy Wretzky, Melissa Auf der Maur, Paz Lenchantin and Ginger Pooley, even though she’s the only one with a regular sounding name. Maybe 30 years from now, all these chicks can sit around playing Bingo, and talk about what it was like to hold down the low end for a weird and egotistical bald guy.

But can you really blame him? Corgan is at least smart enough to know that any band with him up front needs someone to provide the sex appeal:

"I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID!"

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