Archive for April, 2010

CREED SHOULD START PAYING PEOPLE TO SEE THEIR CONCERTS

Posted in Music with tags , , on 04/24/2010 by Chris

I just saw a Facebook ad, gingerly pointing out that tickets are on sale for upcoming Creed concerts in my area. Now, at the top right corner of every ad is a little ‘x’. Click this, and it lets you report an ad. “Why didn’t you like this ad?”, Facebook asks you, and there’s a drop-down menu with several reasons to choose from. Did I find this particular Creed ad misleading? Offensive? Uninteresting? How about irrelevant or repetitive? Thankfully you can choose “other” at the very bottom, and fill in a reason of your own. “Scott Stapp can’t sing worth shit”, I wrote, and Facebook graciously thanked me for my feedback.

Now it must be said that I like(d) Creed, and while Scott Stapp was always the band’s weakest link, I never found his voice offensively bad. However since reuniting last year, Stapp has apparently decided to wage war on everyone’s ears, as evidenced by this clip, taken from the band’s 2009 DVD [Please note that any audience member clapping or appearing the least bit enthused has clearly pounded enough beers beforehand to make their behavior possible]:

Christ almighty. You know, if Creed really were a Christian band, Stapp’s “singing” would be a bigger crime against Christianity than pedophilic priests. I mean, how can these guys still expect to move tickets after polluting store shelves with that abortion of a DVD?

Also, the only person likely capable of sweating more on stage would be Roman Polanski at the Kids’ Choice Awards.

Advertisements

WHAT THE FUCK, BIEBER?

Posted in Music with tags , , on 04/10/2010 by Chris

I was sorting through the mail the other day, when I got a bit of a scare. Bills? No. Subscription to Modern Drunkard magazine running out? Nay. Actually, it was the latest People Magazine. And on the cover? Justin Bieber, who is apparently in the running for SCARIEST GODDAMN SMILE:

I mean, what the fuck? This looks like one of those photoshop jobs, where they enlarge the mouth ever so slightly in order to, you know, freak you the fuck out. Perhaps somewhere, a People Magazine employee is laughing his/her balls/tits off. From the looks of it, Ol’ Bieber here seems like an early candidate for the Haley Joel Osment club, where everyone thinks you’re cute until you hit your late teens, and begin to resemble some sort of freakish manchild.

Then I thought to myself…what does he really remind me of? And then it hit me: Continue reading

THE EXPENDABLES TRAILER WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO BENCHPRESS A CAR

Posted in Movies with tags , on 04/01/2010 by Chris

…it will also put hair on your knuckles and impregnate your girlfriend.